Because this is how I want to live my life...

I have kept this promise I have made at the start of the year--

To give myself every chance I could to detoxify my soul of every guilt, every pollutant, every poison that feeds on my blood, effort, reason, and security.

--that's why I have let go.

Musings

Sitting on a swing
The breeze is cold
The wind kisses my cheeks, and my lips
The sky is indigo with a tinge of orange
I long for the rain to make the moment perfect.

Driving down the highway
Thinking at the back seat
Black mountains appear on the horizon
White lines disappear
My thoughts go back to you
And where you may be
Miles away.

Enjoying a moment of solitude.
Suddenly you aren't too far
You are the wind. The breeze.
The indigo and orange skies.
You are the rain.

I'm still waiting.

This beautiful man

Last January, I was at Starbucks in Robinsons Galleria, doing some school work. There I met a guy with the most arresting eyes I have ever seen. I was having a latte and while working. Remembering the survey forms I had to accomplish, I distributed them (how embarrassing, but the things we have to do for the sake of grades..!.) to the customers, and and he was the last person I approached.

"Excuse me," I said.

He looked up and smiled. He was so beautiful.

He had a bit of stubble on his face, but it suited him. He had a laptop on the table, some notebooks and books, but he appeared to be reading a novel, which was on his lap.

I continued. "Well, I normally do not assault people in coffee shops, but I have to have these questionnaires accomplished. It's for school--and I love Neil Gaiman."

I didn't know why I said that! Apparently, while I was speaking to him, my eyes trailed to the book he was reading. Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere. Neil Gaiman's, of all books!

We started talking, and introduced ourselves. He was really nice. He asked if I do write. I said yes. Apparently he is a freelance writer and graphic designer.

40 days after that episode. I was at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at Greenbelt 4 to meet my groupmates. I was there for about an hour when C--the same guy!--walked in. I was at the smoking area because my groupmates sat there, so I had a clear view of the store's interior. I saw him look at me, and I knew he recognized me. Funny how awkward events like these could get. I went to the restroom and passed by his table. He looked again. I didn't have the nerve to go up to him. (What would I say? "Hi. Contrary to what I told you before, I DO assault people in coffeeshops." Duh.)

That's how it went the whole time I was there. I actually started counting. 5 times. He looked at me 5 times. Never mustered enough courage to at least say hi. So brave yet so cowardly, Lorie.

Anyhow, why do I write about this, as I would do a post-mortem of events and things? Right. I saw this picture of Neil Gaiman and I was reminded of him when I first met him.
Neil Gaiman. Such a beautiful man.

Metamorphosis

The egg became a larva, then pupa. It was very impatient at first. Time passed and a purple butterfly emerged from the silk cocoon hanging from the leaf of a tree.

She is now ready to fly. She looks back at the cocoon that once contained her. Waiting was not easy. She clearly remembers all the storms and heavy winds she withstood.

Somehow, the changes produce a cathartic effect. "I'm free," she says.
Then a gentle breeze blows and she is surprised at how her wings --she has to get accustomed to these things now!--flutter beautifully.

A part of her heaves out a sigh when she remembers that she will have to leave soon. She has, after all, found a home in that little place where she has once wrapped herself in a cocoon.

She will miss the Yakal tree that sheltered her, and its leaf called East Wing 2.

8-16

Song I wrote for my guy best friend BJ.
Cheers to the constancy of change. And may I be the friend I should be.

8-16

When I'm with you

Sadness just seems to go away

Wish I could do the same

Unceasing laughter takes away our pain.

When I'm with you,

I find someone who really understands

Someone to hold my hand

I realize I've got more than I need.

And we know it's a lie that we've got no one

'Cause though our world's upside down, we're always just around

You're here beside me, and I'm right beside you

And life doesn't seem so bad at all.

Though gray clouds cover our lovely sky

Though they shroud over such a beautiful night

We know we're OK,

'cause when they finally clear away

We are closer than we ever used to be.

We watch the stars shine brighter

And you put your head on my shoulder

We have all the comfort that we need

You take me home as it rains.

Now I have to say goodbye

I'm running to my door with a smile

As I watch you drive away

'Cause I know you'll always be here to stay.

You were there beside me

And I was right beside you

You are one of the best I've got

You're the friend I know I'll always have.

boredom

i am: hoping for emancipation from this inveterate impecuniosity
I came from: a lucid interval
I attend: to happy thoughts
I'm taking up: lots of closet space and lots of bookshelf space
I drive: people crazy
I play: with words
I want to learn how to: swim
I am: not sorry for being me
I think: too much
I want: Francisco d'Anconia
I love: asking questions like "Was there anyone in the restrooms when the 9/11 attack happened?" "If a person happens to be wearing contact lenses when he dies in an accident, will anyone ever find out?"
I know: that you think Im dense. What if Im just pretending?
I wish: on shooting stars
I hate it when: Im told to live my life other than the way I want to live it
I crave: for pistachio ice cream and strawberries
I thrive on: books and trivia
I want a guy: who has good genes and beautiful vocabulary
I search: for answers but often don't get them
I love: books and butterflies
I can usually be found: spacing out
I love listening to: the sound of the rain outside my window
I get hyper: when i am very sleepy
I always: end up washing the dishes
I never go a day without: stubbing my toe while walking